Sara from A to Z - ZamNews!

To some I may appear to be a human rights warrior. However “worrier” rather than “warrior” is a better description of my inner life.

Over this past month several experiences stand out where the Lord has used verses from the Bible and songs of worship to grab a hold of my attention and pull my spirit up from sinking despair. I do not want these quiet miracles to be forgotten in the larger warrior-style victories.

Here is the first...

The Cliff-jumping Worrier (not Warrior)

“Worry is believing God won’t get it right.” (a quote someone posted on facebook)

A year ago this week I left the security of a decent job and salary to jump off a metaphorical career cliff into the unknown adventure of  “juvenile justice volunteer”.

In the physical world I am the very opposite of a cliff jumper. When attempting the bridge swing at Victoria Falls, my mind and body so refused to jump that I seemed to be welded to that small platform (despite the fact I was strapped tandem to my marine brother Luke who very much was trying to jump). [See the video below!]

Despite the fact every fiber of my being and every circuit of my brain rebels at the thought of jumping from heights -when it comes big career decisions, the right mix of discontent with the present and optimism for the future can send me leaping into the next life adventure. And it seems – it’s always without a bungee cord or safety-net.

Before taking this leap back into the volunteer world, I didn’t follow the traditional route of going back to the USA raising support to cover my next year. I certainly thought about it  - it seemed the smart secure thing to do. Instead I jumped straight into the work of learning the juvenile justice system, untangling long delayed cases, and building a vision for what could be done to impact the lives of imprisoned juveniles.

I don’t have any regrets about jumping straight into my work. When I remember the learning that took place and the progress made in those first months, I know I made the right decision. Yet “no-regrets” wasn’t much comfort at the end of each month when I felt my stomach fill with acid as I contemplated how I would meet my expenses. With any unexpected costs, a dark cloud of depression and worry would descend.  Yet every time the funds came and the need was met. I would chastise myself for worrying when I knew that God would not leave me out on a limb. He was the one who called me to this work. I’d also tell myself next month I would plan better and sacrifice more so as to avoid these anxious moments.

But of course – the very next month/incident I was back to being Worrier again.

A week ago, I was listing to music and the Jared Anderson song “According to His Word” came on with the Philippians 4:19 based lyrics “My God will supply all my needs, according to His word, according to His riches in glory.” Nice thought. Now to put it into practice...

As “the big one” approached (the month end when I also have to pay my next three months of rent), each time I looked at my accounts, calculated my costs, felt my stomach start to sour and my spirits sink - that chorus would start playing through my mind “My God will supply all my needs…” and I would resolve to trust God to do just that.  I haven’t quite made it through the end of the month yet. I am not sure how everything will be sorted out. But three months rent have been paid and God’s peace has prevailed over the anxiety. Another small victory for this worrying-warrior. 

And as promised....

P.S. That's not me doing the screaming... :)